Blur

My brain is just not what is was…
The words I read, I see them. I take them in. I understand them. But they just won’t stick arround long enough, untill I’ve read the entire sentince. The words just vanish? I read the sentince twice faster, but have to do it again, so I partly understand what it says..

That is totally ridiculous! What is wrong with my brain?!

I doesn’t seem like they actually make a connection. Did I lose a part of it, after I’ve lost my heart.

The focus is all gone and it’s frustrating. So frustrating! I wanne build, but how? How can I build, when my brain has an error?
I have all my drive, pushing me to move forward. But my brain here tells me to slow down or simply orders me to slow down.

I wanne study, I wanne do workshops, I wanne learn how to play the guitar, I wanne watch movies, I wanne drive the car, I wanne take that job interview.

But there is no foces, no concentration to do it.

So I beg you my brain.. What can I do to fix you? It’s like a part of it is just gone?

If anyone finds my brain, please retour to sender.

And the best part of this whole thing is. I get to be send back like 2 years ago. Where everything I did was on the auto pilot. And I got to work on that part which made me so proud. To be free of all the “yes, I’m fine” lines. And now I’m right back, with the fake smile and it frustrates me.. It makes me so sad.

But I guess that is building endurance, patience, hope and trust in myself for knowing I’ll find my way out..

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